हाँ यीशु मेरा प्यार है (as translated by Kamden)

The many emotions tied to my heart and mind right now are downright paralyzing at times. One of the many is feeling like my time with the girls has changed overnite with this new status of bedrest. Don't get me wrong: I am THANKFUL they are learning our family is a team. We work together. When one person is down the others jump in to pick up the slack. And they are joyful little helpers!  And, truthfully, in my heart of hearts, I know they are all the better for walking through this time with us.

But, a mommy's worries are just that: worries. And may I add, wrong. And I know that.

So, why He chooses to show me glimpses of what He's doing in their hearts in spite of me, I will never understand!

Tonight, Kamden walked into my room and said with a huge smile, "I have good news!" "What is it?" I asked. "I know Jesus loves me in Hindi!"  Now, how could I resist hearing her version even if it was after bedtime? And if you know the very windy road we've traveled with her and her relationship with this country, every moment she embraces the culture is worth celebrating!

So, she sang. And I asked her where she learned it. She didn't. She wrote it herself. Translating English songs into Hindi and then declaring that we should teach it to the village kids. I'll take that as good news anytime! Sweet sweet Kamden. God has BIG plans for your life! I could just squeeze her!

Disclaimer: if you know Hindi, her grammar is a little off, but, the Truth remains the same!

-The 4 Cokes

The Infamous Bloody Nose

On this, my second day of bed rest, I have for all of you a funny story.  Since, well, I have nothing else to do!  You'd think bed rest would be a time to catch up on all the sleep you've missed out on up to this point in pregnancy, but, no, it doesn't exactly work out like that!

First, a few pros and cons to bed rest from my point of view:
Pros: SWELLING DISAPPEARS!!!!!!! I saw the joints in my feet for the first time in about 20 weeks yesterday! It was an unbelievable sight! The girls were amazed!  I must say I felt like dancing! But, alas, I'm not allowed!

Cons:
-Heartburn at its worst.  Duh... lying down, eating food, doesn't mix when there's not much room left in there.
-The image that the word 'bed rest' portrays is far from what it really entails.  I vividly remember taking care of an elderly lady my senior year of college who was on permanent bed rest.  Yeah, we took care of her bed sores for her.  My point exactly! ;) If my hips survive lying on them all the time then I'll be dandy! ;)
-we also happen to have painters in the home this week to get ready for said babies' arrival and well, that means sleeping in my own room is a no go.  So, I'm technically on couch rest for a while until all the fumes are gone.

One amazing pro, tho, is that God has placed us here for such a time as this.  We had no idea that my pregnancy would come to this.  Nor how much we would be dependent upon our house helper.  She is making sure we have three meals a day on the table, washing baby clothes, and manning the house and the number of times the bell rings each day!

And, of course, the girls have been tremendous little helpers and Daddy was trained in the homeschooling schedule today.  (Which, btw, he carried out with expertise, much better than I do, I might add.)

So, all in all, I'm incredibly grateful for the way all of this has panned out.  If it must be this way, then at least God is making it happen peacefully.

Now, about that funny story!  Well, as most of you know, during pregnancy often you can get bloody noses.  I did a few times yesterday actually.  So, it reminded me of my first pregnancy, with Kiley, and the hilarious story that ensued from a bloody nose:

I was invited to attend a late night Christmas party at a teacher friend's house when I was about 32 weeks pregnant.   Jason took me, dropped me off, and then came back to get me.  Well, on the way back home at about 2AM, he decided to take a road he wasn't the least bit familiar with.  So we set off and drove slowly and carefully around the very curvy backroads of WV.  Our first road block was a deer! So we swerved to miss it and continued on.  We were driving extremely slow due to fog, new roads, deer, etc.  A car happened upon us pretty fast and we pulled over to let him by.  It was a cop.  We waved and he went on.  Then, to my surprise, I got a nose bleed.  So... at this point you have: a swerving car, a nose bleed, and a burning up driver who just wants to get his jacket off while he drives so his arms are flailing all around as I try to help him take off his jacket and hold a tissue on my nose at the same time.  A strange sight, you can imagine, if seen from behind through only headlights of your car.

Another car speeds up, and we pull over for it again.  This time, it pulls over too.  It was a cop!  He asks all the typical questions and we are quite perplexed being that we've been driving incredibly slow and following all the safety rules!  He then shines the light in my face, glaring at my bloody nose, and says "Ma'am! Are you alright?????"  I understood immediately what was going on.  He thought Jason was beating me! (remember: swerving, flailing arms, bloody nose, oh, and very pregnant passenger).  SO I just start throwing out all the information I could think of "Sir! I'm fine! I was at a "Christian" party, and my husband came to pick me up... I'm pregnant... I get nose bleeds.  Everything is fine!"

He gave a very long and thoughtful glare and then let us go.  As we were pulling away I mentioned how I felt kind of sorry for him.  How, if I weren't telling the truth, he would feel guilty for not checking deeper into the situation.  But, Jason, on the other hand, had never caught on to what was happening.  He wondered why I would feel sorry for some guy that pulled us over for no reason! When it finally clicked, we had a good laugh about the time Jason got pulled over for bloodying my nose!

-The 4 Cokes

Baby Update!

Just a quick update on thing one and thing two. I am 29 weeks 5 days. I went to the doc today out of precaution. Something told me I needed to check on the amniotic fluid and I figured (with a few friends' help) better safe than sorry.

Amniotic flood is golden. No worries. But she went ahead and gave me a dose of the steroid injection to develop babies' lungs now should I go into preterm labor. (Babies are measuring about a week to a week and a half bigger, as it is, according to ultrasound.)

But she also broke the news to me that, at this point, should nothing change, I will require a c-section because one placenta is blocking the cervix and therefore would be delivered first and I would bleed excessively resulting in very grave consequences.

Here's the deal. I'm at peace with that. I've been prayng from the get go that IF a c-section were necessary that it would become obvious early on and NOT in the middle of labor where we are left to make decisions or trust a doctor on very little brain power.

I would LOVE to deliver these twins naturally, meds free, like both my girls, but I went into this knowing and preparing for something different to happen. Don't get me wrong: I am not excited about this alternative. But trusting. And thankful that the word is out there now rather than later.

I'm surprisingly (right now) content with leaving this in God's hands. Should he decide to allow that placenta to move up and try for normal, so be it. But if not, more power to Him (LOL- like I have the authority to say so). ;)

So there ya have it. One thing you CAN be praying for is that these babies hold off! We are indeed still in need of some preparation. Some things (and hopefully people!) To arrive from the States. And we also want them to bake a little longer to avoid any pre term issues that we can.

There ya have it. The4cokes may become a 6 pack before we know it! And with that, off to dream about making that dream a reality. Holding two precious, beautiful dreams come true in my arms!

-The 4 Cokes

Were It Not for Grace

After a very candid conversation with Kiley last night in the quietness of her room as her little sister slept, I came out and then melted into a heap of tears.  As I type, the tears flow again.  Why? Because of the guilt of my own sin.  The thing is, I feel like the theme in my life these past few months has been GRACE.  Learning to give it to my children (through a book I was halfway reading called "Give them Grace"), learning to give it to others (not spazzing out when done wrong but instead trying to see things through the others' point of view), and learning to recognize the abundance of grace poured out  on me by my amazing Savior, God of the Universe.  So, grace has sort of become my life theme for this season.

That is, except when it means offering that same grace to myself! I realized last night that I'm willing to offer grace to those around me so much more freely than I'm willing to offer it to myself.  (and that's not really saying much seeing as how I'm a big time 'first impressions/discerning' type of a person.  So, even then, I'm learning to give that much-needed grace.

But, here's the deal.  I fail at giving it to myself.  I see something I've done wrong and can't look past the wasted moments, days, years that I can't take back.  And it eats at me...

So, about that conversation I had with Kiley.  It was a super sweet moment in time.  For all the wrong reasons... ;) What I mean is she shared a little of her heart with me, not in a condemning, blaming way, but in a sweet, innocent way.  And, though it aches now to even think about it, I'm thankful for it.  I feel like maybe that moment in time was just the grace I needed... to save me from a future of mistakes.

I asked Kiley what she thinks about before she drifts off to sleep.  She told me she makes up fairy tales.  I asked her what kind.  She named a couple "sometimes I imagine I'm the President's daughter and I can have anything I want"... so much for that, sweetheart!;) And, "sometimes I imagine there's a secret door right there that leads to a room full of electronics... and a kitten." (interesting...ok...but that got me thinking.) So, I did it.  I asked her, "Do you think we are an electronic family?"  And, "Do you think Mommy is on her phone too much?" And, would you believe she was honest and truthful and answered what I already knew in my heart. Compared to the average American family, we are so not techy. We don't have a tv. We hardly do screen time.  But I know that I could use much more of my idle time in a way that makes me more readily available to the people directly in front of me.

Let me give you an example of how I know they want more of me.  Not quantity, but quality.  Yesterday, during our math dance time, I got up and danced with them.  I do that from time to time, but quite honestly, I'm extra pregnant and don't feel like dancing, or moving for that matter.  But, yesterday I just did it.  And about 30 seconds in, Kiley just comes over and gives me a big hug!  Why? Your guess is as good as mine but I'd say it had something to do with the fact that I jumped into their world for a minute and she appreciated it.

I came back out from their bedroom and sat with Jason and pondered what had been said.  And being the ever-gracious husband that he is, he reminded me that I'm with them ALL.  THE.  TIME.  So they see my weaknesses, my faults,  my shortcomings.  And, he's right.  I'm an open book.  It's all out there for them to see and hopefully learn from to become better than I am.

But that doesn't change the fact that I've wasted precious years.  Now, stepping outside the situation, I can see that we have A LOT of precious moments together.  But, am I available for them?  When THEY need me, not when I feel like it? To do the things THEY love, not what I want to do with them?

This Mom thing... Wow! It's a doozie.  And, learning from our mistakes, well, simply isn't very fun.  But, it's learning just the same, right? And, I need to grant myself that grace.  The grace that says the old is done and the new has come.  And I can only do what I feel is right, starting now.

Addendum: Had a lot of really great 'teachable moments' with the girls today.  And, this morning, just before writing this blog, I read a great article about knowing your kids hearts so you can impact them.  And, ya know, Kamden has been struggling a lot lately... culture shock, tiredness, not wanting to do certain things, etc.  And, today, I tried it.  I just asked her if we could play Barbies together.  So, we shut the door to my room, Kiley finished a product she was working on with Didi, and Kamden & I just played.  And that was everything that sweet girl needed! Was I fighting falling asleep from sheer exhaustion? Yes.  But, it was so worth it.  For her to later say, "That was just what I needed."

These girls... Man, God blessed me with them.  Now, just to be a good steward of that amazing blessing.  Easier said than done.  Learning as we go.  He's still workin' on me.

-The 4 Cokes

His Grace Is Enough

Just another day to understand a little bit more about God's grace.

I've always had a guilty spirit.  You know, when the entire school called an assembly because someone stole money from the office, and though I had nothing to do with it, I would sit there feeling like the whole room was staring a hole through me as if I'd done something wrong.  Maybe you can relate.  Well, as I've grown and matured in my faith (just a little bit since that time), and quite honestly through difficult circumstances I've faced, I've released a lot of that underserved guilt simply because you could drive yourself crazy, and well... I'm crazy enough already as it is! ;)

So, with all of that being said, guilty or not, Proverbs 18:9 convicts the junk out of me!  "Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys." So, in my Bible, the verse number is circled and out beside it the word 'Guilty!' is written.  And, truthfully, I know I could 'redeem the time' much more efficiently most of the time.

What I didn't notice until this morning is that during another one of my readings of that chapter, I had simply put a 'star' next to the very next verse.  Never relating the two at all.  18:10 says, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  I never connected the two verses to one another.  One convicted and one encouraged.  But, this morning I was wowed by the fact that they're right next to each other.  And when I read them together I was relieved to see that, though we fail Him, He is constantly there for us!!! Together they read, "Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.  The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Well, would you look at that! I get excited just reading it, because, duh, whatever our struggle, whatever our sin: laziness, hatefulness, pride, even passive sins such as simply not making the most of our time... Whatever the case may be, HE IS FAITHFUL.  He is a strong, never shifting tower, and HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH!!!  We are 'safe' from our own sins and our own demise when we simply run into His gracious life-giving arms!

I am SO thankful that He reminds us ever so gently of our sin, and then follows it with His sweet reminder that He is there to run to, and that on our own, we will never be enough!  Our choice simply lies in whether we will wallow in our sin or run into his safe, forgiving arms!

*no matter how I tried, I couldn't get the pic to turn around.  Just flip your computer sideways to read! 

-The 4 Cokes

A False Balance

Proverbs 11:1 - A false balance is an abomination to The Lord. 

I've always read over this verse quickly. It's talking about cheating or lying, right? Last time I checked, I wasn't ripping people off or keeping back money given to me by accident or something. So I just skip right past. 

Until today. I sat down to read Proverbs 11 and quite honestly had to read verse one over and over merely because I was being greatly entertained by a houseful of kids feeding me play-do cupcakes and cakes. ;) But I'm thankful because about the fourth or fifth time I read it, it hit me: this could just as well be talking about pride or low self esteem or how we view others compared to ourselves or visa versa. 

Get it? A false balance. Adding a little 'weight' to what we do or how we feel so as to "measure up" to the next guy or the standards we think we have to meet. Or just to look a little better. A false balance, right? 

Or unrealistically adding a huge scoop of "awesome" to the other guy because, I mean, they seem to have it altogether and I obviously do not. A false balance, right? 

Always until now I pictured this verse with veggies on one side of the scale and a weight on the other side that just wasn't quite what it said it was. Ya know, cheating or lying financially. 

But today I see all my works, all my efforts in one side- the good and the bad- and the other side filled with a non-existing picture-perfect person who has it all together and doesn't show a sign of weakness on the other side. And just for good measure, I dump an extra helping of awesomeness wherever I think it needs to be. 

And then what have I done? I've become an abomination to The Lord! 

I wanna be real. I wanna be real because God wants me to be real. Because without realness, how will anyone understand the grace of God? How in reality He's standing on that scale in my place. And He certainly measures up! 

VBS--- Until the Whole World Hears!

This life, as I mentioned on a status on Facebook, of raising TCK's is a ROLLER COASTER of emotions!  I mean, our life is filled with change.  Especially recently: new house, new city, new friends, new babies, new school year... And it takes its toll on everyone, but especially on us emotional girls.  So, I usually try not to stress (too terribly deeply-though those of you who know me, know I know how to stress!), and when there are beautiful little glimmers of sheer goodness, I like to bask in them, remember them, and tuck them away for memory's sake when I need them most.

This week would be one of those glimmers.  Earlier this week, I had a meltdown.  We three girls have been on the verge of emotional meltdowns for some time, I think, but this week it finally hit.  I saw the doctor and was told, as I expected, that I couldn't attend an upcoming retreat we had scheduled out in the middle of nowhere.  I was disappointed, but to say the girls were disappointed is an understatement.  They were heartbroken that I could not go.  Mind you, they still get to go!, but that wasn't sufficient, and it showed, through huge tear drops and lots of difficult moments.  This, of course, led me to "What all am I doing wrong?" and "How can I make it better?" and lots and lots of tears on my part too.  During that self-evaluation, I was reminded that Kamden (the one who has struggled the most with culture shock over the years), when feeling led to do something for someone else, is the fastest to jump right on what she felt called to do.  She doesn't quit until it's done.  And, guess what, a few weeks earlier she had the grand idea to start a VBS for the village kids.  And, I was so proud, and I entertained that idea so well... for a few days, until some of her ideas began to become irrational, she got sick, we got busy, then I sort of just let it slide rather than helping her make it happen.  And on the night of emotional breakdowns, I felt like a failure.  The very little girl who struggles with sharing her bike with the village kids wants to put on an entire VBS for them to learn about Jesus!!!!!!

So, I begged God for forgiveness and mostly for a second chance and went to bed.  Woke up with swollen eyes from crying (which our Didi made sure to point out) and I asked Kamden if she still wanted to do the VBS... Did she ever!? THANK YOU, LORD! (and instead of being jealous of the attention her little sister was getting, this time Kiley jumped in and said "How can I help?")  It was like a tiny moment in "Leave It To Beaver".

So... How did the VBS go, you ask? I COULDN'T HAVE IMAGINED ANYTHING BETTER!  Yesterday, Kamden handwrote invitations and handed them out to the  kids at the park.  Not in her typical 'shy-do I really have to-here you do it' way, but with confidence and boldness that could have only come from the Lord.  

                          

And, somehow, she had on her mind the exact story she wanted to be taught at our first ever VBS: The Lame Man (Acts. 3:1-10).  So, she took her trusty children's Bible that she's been reading at night and she read to each period then had me translate that sentence into Hindi.  And we practiced it over and over and over again.  ;) And in one day's time, would you believe she memorized that story (in English)!  This is the same girl who doesn't so much care for memorizing poems during language and yet can memorize an entire story in a day... Makes me rethink the way we do school just a little bit!

Finally, today came! And at 11 AM she was asking "How long until VBS?" and our friends from the park were ringing the doorbell starting around 4PM! ;)  Our awesome Auntie Marie and her four kids came to help out and each took on a task for VBS, we all prayed at the door, and headed out! Who knew what was to come or how it would go, but God did!  

Our first VBS went as smoothly as possible.  We saw about 30-35 kids come and pay very close attention, moms standing on the sidelines listening in and actually thankful for what we were doing, and even some workers hanging out of the unfinished building to hear what was going on!  This week, the Word went forth! The kids each did their job with confidence and the memory verse, amazingly enough, was memorized by at least 75% of the kids there! We sang, told a story, colored, snacked, earned candy, prayed, and invited back for next week!!!!

Kiley & Kamden were talking afterward and said "Hey! Wouldn't it be cool if this went really well and we started taking it to the other parks and spreading it!"  Yes, girls, spread it! Spread it far and wide... "Until the Whole World Hears"!!!!!!

-The 4 Cokes