JESUS LOVES ME

It all started with Kiley. When I would sit and hold her and feel like every. Single. Decision I made affected that sweet baby's life for the good or for the bad. (And mostly for the bad, I believed) I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for that sweet girl as I'm sure most moms do. 

One night in particular, I can remember holding her in that bright orange mushroom chair we had in her room and I was crying. I was feeling particularly overwhelmed for whatever reason. Probably feeling some kind of pressure from whatever the latest advice I had read. Anyway, God laid a song on my heart. One I had loved as a child. And it spoke to me. 

I started singing that song to Kiley every night, and then every time I started feeling imperfect again. And then later in life every time she would get in trouble and be in hysterics herself. It became 'her' song. 

"He's still workin on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and stars, sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still workin on me." 

Then came Kamden. I didn't have any intentions of making a song for each child. But, one night, Kamden had a febrile seizure at church. That's a whole other story in itself the way that God provided exactly the right people for that moment of tragedy. But, that night, through the fear,  the only song blowing through my thoughts was one my dad used to sing to me whenever I was worried. That became Kamden's song. 

"God will take care of you. Through everyday. O'er all the way. He will take care of you. God will take care of you." 

Then came the unexpected blessings of twin boys. And almost as soon as I was showing the girl started asking "what will be their song?!?" "I don't know, girls. I'll know when I know." 

And then came some very scary pregnancy complications. And two songs carried me through those sleepless nights. And I thought those would be their songs. And maybe in a way they are. But, as soon as they arrived, for whatever reason, we just started singing to them the simple tune of Jesus Loves Me. Jaxon would stop crying whenever we would sing it. And it just stuck. This first year of life I bet I've sung that song to them well over a few thousand times. 

I never intended it to be their song. And maybe a different one will emerge. But I can say that daily God uses that song to remind me that truly HE LOVES ME! He GAVE ME THESE BOYS. AND TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!  

But, He gave me these boys "for such a time as this". Through the trials we have faced this year (and they haven't been few) , He has used the simplicity of that song to remind me that through it all HE LOVES ME! 

There have been too many times to count that I've sat there singing way past the time their eyes have fallen heavy and let the words wash over me. He loves me. He loves me through these trials. He shows me His love IN these trials. It's not rocket science. But it sure is deep. 

"Jesus Loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to him belong. They are weak but he is strong. Yes Jesus loves me. Yes Jesus loves me. Yes Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so."

TEN BIG MONTHS

I KNOW God gave me these boys for this season of my life. I am so in awe of how He loves us! He has changed me, redeemed me, made so many things new in my heart and given me the amazing blessing of recognizing what a JOY it is to mother these four beauties. I can truly say that I treasure my moments so much more with each of my children than ever before. Even then, I find my selfishness showing through daily as I get flustered or frustrated about the constant need or the way I view my insufficiency. BUT GOD! Each day I see those frustrations become less and less He continues to grant blessing upon blessing in those beautiful faces. I can't thank Him enough. 

I'm reading a great book right now called "Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full" and it is such a beautiful reminder of the fact that God is all over this job of motherhood.  And He wants me to see Him in the day to day. Thank God for His redeeming power. I look at these boys and think of what a wonderful surprdie they were to our family. But even more so they have been instrumental in changing me on from the inside out. 

Here's to TEN MONTHS! We are EVERYWHERE! We don't sit still for a minute. Our favorite room in the house is the sister's room because we aren't allowed I go in there very often (something about small toys- but, we're small! We like small toys!) 

We are much more verbal these days saying mama and mocking sounds and screams when someone is playing with us. We cruise and we eat at least one meal a day with our hands (tho we don't get much in our mouths).  We are sleeping through the night and taking great naps these days.  Mommy is pretty happy about that.  

Here we are today. Yep, one of us is naked, only one of us is smiling, one of us is sitting in a box, the other is on the loose. This is us! 

Ten Months

In 6 short days my baby boys will be TEN months old! I am Blown away by how quickly this time has flown by. I have treasured the moments with those sweet boys! 

As of now, they are over 18 & 20 lbs., cruising around furniture, have 6 & 2 teeth with a bunch more on the way, say dada, mama, baba, and a variety of other super cute sounds, and try to stand on their own for a second... 

Jaxon fusses a lot about nothing, but, man, when he smiles and when he laughs! 😍

And Jaden smiles a lot, but, man, when he cries. 😥

These boys won my heart when I dreamed them up almost 30 years ago but I never imagined God would give me my dreams come true! 

This has been a year FILLED with heartache, but those boys and their big sisters have kept us laughing and smiling and the Lord has used them to keep us filled with joy. 

I'm so in love! 

*Jaden: the ever-happy one. It took only one shot to get this winning smile. 

*Jaxon: 15 tries and it's still a bit blurry bc it's between fussing and trying to grab the camera out of my hand! 

This is the Trial that Never Ends (sang on repeat)

Just for memory's sake, I want to remember what we've been walking through lately. It's almost laughable when things happen one right after the other. So, just since yesterday- woke up to 2 out of 3 ACs broken, a flat tire, and Jason dropped his laptop cracking the screen all the way across diagonally. 

Then, this AM, he woke up sick at his stomach and in bed all morning. The kids and I played in the living room with the connector doors shut so the babies wouldn't escape.

Well. Today we are thanking God for the broken ACs because Kiley was burning up, went to get a ponytail holder from the back of the house where Daddy was resting, and came running back with her shirt covering her face saying it smelled like gas. 

When I went back, it literally smelled like a gas spill right in our house. I yelled for Jason because, quite honestly, I was worried he had passed out from it. 

I started looking for the spill when I went out back and asked the men who are building behind our house and they said they were using petrol to clean with and would be finished soon! What?!?!? Seriously, it was SO BAD in our house. 

We immediately had to leave bc the smell had already wafted into the front of the house. So we went for a walk (girls in pjs- boys in diapers & shirts) and had lunch at a little spot about a twenty minute walk away. 

And, on the way, we thanked God that our ACs were broken which led to Kiley needed a hair band which led to discovering the smell which essentially saved our lives. ;) 

Here are some pictures from our walk. 

*afternoon nap on the go. (I won't mention that I was very hopeful to catch a nap during the afternoon nap today) 

*walking in the rain on muddy streets gives a great new design to the back of your clothes. 

*This little piggy went to market...

*This not-so-little piggy had roast beef! 

Funk

Yesterday was filled with funk. I'll be honest. I cried thru lunch and had some serious heart to hearts with God throughout the day. 

BUT, I can honestly say that I am (trying to be) thankful for the funk. It is indeed fulfilling its purpose of changing me and making me into who God created me to be. 

I do NOT hope my children or I will live life without trials. I only hope those trials will make them and me more like Him. 

And I'm coming to the realization that in every trial, God remains constant. He is still the very same God He was the day before ______________. (Fill in the blank with whatever trial you're facing.) 

I'll be honest some more. I'm tired! Mainly in the mornings before I reheat my tea five times and long before I catch a break long enough to open God's Word and catch a glimpse of His glory. But I'm reminded constantly that His glory is all around me. 

I'm amazed that I'm not more exhausted than I am. It's obviously on Him sustaining me. And yet about a hundred times a day, I let me flesh take over, my heart show all the ugly spots on my face and in my mouth. And I'm convicted. Because the truth is every drop of my life is one big picture of His goodness. Yes, even the injured husband, the sleepless nights. All of it. But especially those sweet girls and those mischievous baby boys! 

Learning to live like I believe it's a blessing is the tough part.