No Good Samaritan

I'm no Good Samaritan. By nature, quite honestly, I'm downright awful. Our first pastor as a married couple coined the nickname "the Christian bulldog" for me. He was joking. I was not. Thank God He's brought me so far from that me. It creeps up. Like yesterday, when I wanted to scream because the plumber couldn't fix the pipe that he broke while we all stood around watching water drench our printer, our legal Documents, and other important, not so important in the big scheme of things, possessions. Thank the Lord I don't have the language yet to make a fool of myself when my old nature wants to creep back in. But that's for another post. My point is that the only good in me is Jesus.

Today, he spoke clearly to my heart while I sat at a posh coffee house studying. A mom and her small son walked by on the other side of the road selling goods trying to make ends meet. "Feed the hungry". I hesitated as all the excuses started to flood my mind... "they'll be gone before you can buy the food. Maybe they're not really hungry. Maybe they'll just sell it and not fulfill their physical need of food. You can't speak the language. You can't help them." But, the spirit urged on. So I gathered my things as fast as I could, bought a lunch, and jumped in the car to catch them. Sure enough, they were pretty far down the road but I caught them! In my horrible language skills I asked if they were hungry. Told them I'd seen them and got them some food. She talked about having some kids in school. Certainly trying to tell me how hard life is and I stumbled through "God loves you. He loves all people. He loves you." While the little boy grinned at me. And then the security guard waved us on since I was still in my car in the middle of the road, and I watched as they walked on and the little boy waved bye. And then. The tears started streaming. Because, guess what, they may go to bed with full tummies tonight but, dag blast it, they'll still die without knowing Jesus. And that's too much to bear. My heart doesn't always break for the lost and dying like it should. Today it did. Today, I didn't leave that situation feeling high and mighty because I'd fed the hungry or listened to the Spirit. I left aching because they don't know my Jesus.

““And I say to you, My friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the One to fear: Fear Him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the One to fear! Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight. Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows!”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:4-7‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

-The 4 Cokes

All I Have Is Christ

I haven't posted a blog in a REALLLLLY long time. But I'm feeling like today is as good a day as any so let's see how it goes! 

We landed in country nearly 2 weeks ago and somehow jet lag completely evaded us!  We are still in awe of the smoothness of the 22 hours in flight plus many more hours of layovers, the nonexistent jet lag, & the way things are falling into place all around us!  

There's plenty I could elaborate on but for my own memory's sake I need to focus on what God is teaching me this very day. We are at meetings in yet another country and the spirit of worship is so refreshing and good for my soul. Today, we sang a song I've never heard before and as I read the lyrics on the screen, God began to move in my heart. But by the time we transitioned into "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" tears were streaming down my face. 

My mind looked back over its shoulder and saw the past few years. Those years, in all their difficulty, were covered by God's grace. I've known that all along. That truly if it weren't for grace, we would not have made it through one of the most difficult seasons of our lives: 3 back surgeries, a difficult move, life in a foreign country, preemie twins, language difficulties, etx. 

So when we sang that song, I couldn't help but cry. Not from looking back but forward. In the next month, I will for the first time in my parenting life, leave my toddlers in the care of a stranger and leave my girls at a school in a foreign country. To say that I'm terrified would be an understatement. But today as we sang I was reminded of His great faithfulness to me.  I am not naive to believe that difficult things cannot come, but His faithfulness sustains us. He truly is all we need, and in reality all we have. 

"I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross.
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life
Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose.
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You."

Zippers!

I've been silent for quite some time. One reason being that I have twinados that require the majority of my time and attention and the other being that when things are happening so fast and so big I find it hard to put it all into words adequately so I don't even try. 

Today is no different.  We have packed up yet another house, sold the majority of our earthly possessions, said goodbye to friends we love dearly not knowing if we will meet again on this side of heaven, traveled across the world with jet lagging babies and a husband unable to help for the most part, visited the Great Wall of China, been reunited with my parents and family, toured DC, entered back into a culture that was familiar yet strange to us, spent the holidays, said goodbye again, spent a week with like minded people who blessed us and encouraged us, said goodbye again, and through it all came out changed once again. 

So, if my writing is shallow, it's because my thoughts are too deep to even make sense of. 

I like to be positive. I really do try to speak positively. Speak life. But you can ask my poor husband- that is not always the case. Sometimes I lose it and throw the world's biggest pity party. 

And, I'm going to be honest. I've had a lot to complain about lately. The above mentioned list is enough to make me sometimes want to throw in the towel and scream MERCY!!!! My sweet sister-in-law was joking with me about how she always heard growing up "well, at least you still have your health." And when health problems arose, she understood what they meant. Well, that's where we've been for the past two years and that's following a very difficult move to a new city. 

But, I need to stop right there and admit that GODS GRACE IS, ALWAYS HAS BEEN, & ALWAYS WILL BE ENOUGH. 

Oh, I don't always have to accept that truth. I can storm around pouting and Complaining and making sure everyone sees how bad I have it. But regardless, his grace is unchanging. He is enough! 

Through this week I sat surrounded by people like me. People who have walked through the valley (I'm not a shouter but here's where I want to shout) they came out victorious!!!!!! They survived at times. They thrived at times. But God's grace was sufficient all the time!!! 

So, as shallow as this may sound, I have to throw it out there that I have a huge blessing in my life right now. New baby beds! We splurged and (with my mom's help) we bought some ridiculously expensive portable cribs for the boys. They are incredibly light (7 lbs compared to the typical 25 lbs) and, wait for it, they have zippered sides! I never realized what a blessing that would be. So, this morning, I actually showered while my husband unzipped the side of the bed and let the baby walk right out! And I praised God this morning for zippers and a godly husband who has been patient while I've learned how to live in this trial. 

And. Let me make it clear. That those babies. And this life. And this injured husband. And these beautiful children. And all the goodbyes. And the fact that I even have family, loved ones, people that it hurts to say goodbye to, makes me BLESSED!!!!!!! And, I know that some of you reading this would give your life for the blessings of children or a godly husband or living parents again. So please hear me that my heart aches for you. And I cherish these trials that are often some of our biggest blessings too!