The Adventures of a Dream Come True- Part 2

Where did I leave off? Oh, yes, the kick counts.  Here I am, counting kicks nearly every hour, knowing good and well that kick counts are very difficult when there are TWO babies.  But, I simply tried to rest assured when I would feel movement in just about all four corners and about 20 per hour.

Starting Friday I began to feel a significantly less amount of movement.  But, I tried not to overreact. Then, my new routine of 4AM kick counts.  And, still, less movement.  Saturday morning, I was PRETTY convinced I should go on in for an ultrasound, but, again, didn't want to overreact.  But, we went ahead.

After I arrived and the Dr. felt both heartbeats, I started feeling kind of silly.  Like, all was going to be well and they would send me home to wait it out some more.  I ALMOST said "let's just go.  I'm sure it's nothing".  But, I waited.

First Ultrasound: Jaxon was moving and grooving as usual.  Not a budge from Jaden.
Second Ultrasound: same

Dr. Grover sent me to wait two hours, eat, then re-scan.  So we waited.  And, then...
Third Ultrasound: still nothing.

So, we went into the Doctor's office and her assistant said, "Dr. Grover wants to go ahead and take the babies."  And. The. Tears. Fell. And Fell. And Fell.

We called the parents and told a few people and headed up to the room.

Oh, that room.  The nurses were SO off their game.  It was so chaotic.  Things were falling, equipment wasn't working.  They're monitoring only one baby and it was the WRONG baby! It was truly a disaster.  And I'm thinking to myself, "Is this a joke???"

I knew right then and right there that God was asking me to trust SOLELY in HIM to the bitter end! And even knowing exactly what He was asking of me, and knowing that He COULD be trusted, I climbed onto that rolling bed and said one more time out loud "I'm SCARED!"

They rolled me into the Operating Theater (who ever knew it was called a Theater? I sure didn't.  I mean, really, is this just a candid camera or something!;)  And, they told Jason to stop at the door and we both shouted "NO!"  Jason told them firmly, "Wherever you take my wife, I go!"  So they stopped everything, sent him to change, sadly took his camera, and then we continued.

And, would you believe that the minute we rolled through that door, it was like everyone got serious!  It was all the top notch best they had to offer in that room.  And they were on point!  I began to see that God had taken care of all the details.

That didn't stop me from having a hard time breathing... or from singing (mostly at the top of my lungs) for the entire surgery "The Lord is my Shepherd..."  And I waited ever so impatiently to hear that first beautiful sound... Jaden's first cry!  Then Jaxon's.  Then to see them both ever so briefly before they rushed them off to NICU.

That surgery took close to 3 hours because of the extent of my placenta previa.  And Dr. Grover worked her heart out making sure all was well before she went home.

I'm thankful now for that experience.  That God left me feeling empty handed before He made His plan known.

We continued on quite the journey as we learned to deal with NICU staff and continue to learn to do so.  But, God brought us through those moments and we have nothing but gratitude to offer back to Him....

and two really cute boys! ;)

-The 4 Cokes

The Adventures of a Dream Come True- Part 1

By now, if you read my blog, you know I'm a worrier.  It's something God is constantly growing me out of, but it rears its ugly head.  Most often I know deep down in my heart that everything is going to work out.

But, we didn't share with many people the seriousness of the last few weeks of this pregnancy.  And how God used that time to really force me to rely solely on Him.  I'm super excited to share our story of God's work in our life.

Pregnant: check!  In India: check! With twins: check!  Sounds like plenty to me! Nope, not to God.

Placenta Previa: check!
Within some time it was discovered I had complete placenta previa.  This is a rather serious thing because should the placenta be delivered first, the baby or I could be lost.  Thankfully, my Dr. took this VERY seriously and watched me very closely as we neared the end of our pregnancy.  Should anything happen I was to come in immediately.

Early Labor: check!
At 29 weeks 5 days (you'll notice a pattern of these guys liking to party on Saturdays!!!), I went to the hospital with early labor pains.  I was put on bedrest and given meds to start should I need them.  Bedrest held me off one more week.

More Early Labor: check!
One week later, on another Saturday night, they decided to try again.  I think they had big plans! ;) But, with a few days of meds, we held them off.

ICP: check!
Now, it begins to get serious.  And something I'm really excited about sharing because it seems as if it's a pregnancy symptom that is not very well known.  ICP (intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy) is when pregnancy hormones cause your liver to stop removing acid bile.  It causes you to be itchy ALL over.

I woke up morning having itched the WHOLE night! I went in for an appointment, and my Dr. wrote it off as allergic reaction to labor-stopping meds, and gave me something to clear up the symptoms.  But I just didn't feel right about that.  (Worry?? Or instinct??) I went home and searched the web for "Third Trimester Itching".  Two things came up: Pupps (harmless rash) and ICP (very harmful without rash).  I continued to research symptoms and I happened to have many more of them as well.

ICP is only found in 1/1000 Americans but your chances are quadruple when you are carrying multiples.  I called my OB ASAP and she said, "yes this is common in pregnancy." (Truly, it turns out in Asian ethnicity it is as common as 1/70).  So, I went straight in.  ICP is considered FATAL to the babies after a certain stage in the pregnancy.  In singletons, that stage is usually 37 weeks, but it is truly unknown when things can take a turn for the worse.  In twin pregnancies, it can happen sooner.  Here's the deal: the ONE test that can be done to see how your acid bile levels are holding up, IS NOT DONE IN INDIA!!!!!! We suddenly fell into what felt like a game of Russian Roulette with when to take these babies.  So many kindhearted people cheering and praying for us to keep them baking as long as possible, while we knew the outcome could be fatal!  

During that week or so of such uncertainty, I had to voice out loud some of my fears.  It was the scariest time in my life.  God gave me songs, verses, words of encouragement, and reminders that HIS will is always better than our own, but I was so afraid of what that meant!  It was definitely one of the most defining seasons of my life!

AFTER finding that out and continuing to wrestle with it,

GESTATIONAL DIABETES: check!
Seriously???? A late diagnosis of gestational diabetes means its gone unmonitored and could have consequences as well.

OH MY WORD!!!!!  So, after some deliberating, it was decided with a group of really patient medical help, that an airplane trip at this stage of pregnancy wasn't very promising either.  So, we stayed put.  And we waited.  And I spent just about every moment doing kick counts.

I'll save the rest for part two, but for now: God brought me to my lowest.  I needed him the most.  I was being taught one of life's hardest lessons, to REST SOLELY in HIM!  Many tears were cried, many moments of fear, waiting for His plan to pan out.  And, it was one of the most memorable seasons of my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you..." says the Lord.

-The 4 Cokes

Thoughts of a Very Scared Pregnant Lady

15 October 2014

I've never been so afraid of losing something in my life. I can't think of a time I've feared so strongly. Last trimester of twin pregnancy and now dealing with: placenta previa, ICP, gestational diabetes, and early labor to go along with twin pregnancy.

I'm scared. Too many factors. So much unknown. And I'm sitting in a place and asking God "Why here?" "Why not closer to better medical care?" I've self diagnosed most of these issues just by being an avid researcher. Yes. Worry is wrong. But in this case, looking for the reason for the intense itching led me to ICP which can be dangerous in the last weeks of pregnancy. Thank you, Lord, for guiding me to it. Once again, You've never left me alone. 

And, so, this AM, it was decided that we must sit still, wait, and TRUST in the Only One whom we can trust!  

So, now, after a long stretch of feeling like I just can't go to God's Word, now, I'm begging Him for comfort, reassurance that He is Who He says He is. 

And, yet, in the back of my mind, I'm reminded constantly that His plans aren't always the same as mine and instead of taking comfort in that, I FEAR! Because I know the truth that, yes, in the end, He will be glorified, but in this moment I'm terrified of what that means. 

In the recent days and weeks, these have been my comfort: 

Psalm 62:1-2 "I am at rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will never be shaken." 

The song Restless by Audrey Assad has been a great reminder that if I do not rest in Him, I cannot find comfort. 

Proverbs 3: 5-8 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. Don’t consider yourself to be wise; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. This will be healing for your body and strengthening for your bones."

Psalm 65: 5,8 

"You answer us in righteousness, with awe-inspiring works, God of our salvation, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the distant seas.

Those who live far away are awed by Your signs; You make east and west shout for joy."

"there's no place that we can't find peace."

Jason just introduced me to yet another song that will carry me through this difficult time of waiting: It Is Well by Bethel Music.

I've failed, quite honestly, to rely on Him. I've spent countless hours researching, digging, fearing, worrying. But He is faithful still. He forgives. And He brings us to our knees. As He's doing it now. 

So we wait. And we pray. And we depend on the prayers of those who can pray when we can't. 

And we long to see the faces and hold those beautiful baby boys that have been given to us by Him! 

Learning to Take Refuge

The time was 4AM.  I woke up yet again to use the restroom (what pregnant lady doesn't).  But this time I couldn't go back to sleep.  Worry was setting in again.

These babies.  They don't do a lot of moving when I'm lying down.  I'm hoping and praying that means they'll be good sleepers and nothing else.  But, sitting up, I can usually feel them on the go again.  So, I got out of bed and went to the chair where I could sit and check on them.

There I sat.  Praying some.  Worrying some.  Chatting some with friends in different time zones.  And reading through the Psalms some.

I came across a verse that spoke my name.  You see, this entire time I've said OVER and OVER that His ways are higher than our ways... BUT that that is exactly what scares me!  That He never promised he would bring these babies into the world safe and sound, but that He would be glorified.  That truth is sometimes paralyzing for me.  I truly believe that should something go different than I would desire, that EVENTUALLY I would be ok.  I would be more than ok and that possibly I'd get to see His good in it this side of Heaven.  But I have never been ok with the right now of that truth.

So, I came to Psalm 18, and this was the verse that I needed to read... and TRUST:

"His way is perfect: the word of the Lord is pure.  He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him." Psalm 18:30

You see... the missing link.  Oh, I've trusted all along that His way is perfect.  But, it has caused me to fear rather than to take refuge! And this verse clearly states that He is a shield to all who take REFUGE in Him.  I just have to trust that He knows best and that that is a GOOD thing! Not something to fear!

He's using all of this madness to work on my heart.  Pray for me, that I would let Him have His perfect way.


The 4 Cokes

Babies' Nook

We did it! Well, Jason mostly did it! ;) With a ton of help from YOU!!! We are SO thankful to be able to say that our home is officially ready-ish for the babies to make their arrival (minus some other small necessities)! Now, don't get me wrong, we do indeed hope they keep themselves tucked away a little longer, but we are thankful to be finished with most of the logistics as to where they are going to live! And, we could NOT have done it without so many sweet people sending, purchasing, or bringing things for us literally from all over the world! SO, THANK YOU!!!!

Here it is:

(a little 'room' off of our bedroom that was put there just for us, we presume!) :)

A little curtain entry to their space

The concrete shelves were already there.  We had the wooden  ones added for some organization.  I was in charge of clothes placement, because, just like food, Jason doesn't do baby clothes placement! ;) 

Sweet little baby beds!  Thank you SO much for carrying these over for us,  FBC!

We do have some small pieces of wall art on the way that hasn't been added yet. 

32 weeks

Two little dreams come true inside! Can't wait to hold them in my arms!

Last night, Jason prayed over the room and asked God's blessing on these sweet little guys and their new little room.  Let the newest Coke adventure begin!

-The 4 Cokes

152 Things Never to Say to A Person Who Wears Orange Knee Socks with Neon Green Tennis Shoes

I've been looking for just the right verse for quite some time.  I just KNEW it was in there, but I wasn't sure where.  Well, today, I happened upon it!

Proverbs 12:16 "The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult."

Surely you've seen these titles floating across your newsfeed: "21 Things Never to Say to A ______", 7 Things Not to Say to A _______", "15 Things You Should Never Say to A ________".

I've read a lot of them.  Because I want to learn as much as possible about people who feel strongly enough about something to share tips on how best to address the situation.  But, I'll be honest, as I'm reading most of them it has become overwhelming, like "Well, then what CAN I say in love?" All the while, I've felt uneasy about these topics being strewn all over Facebook feeds and almost making people out to be bad guys if they don't know the exact right thing to say to each individual person.  (because let's be real, every one is going to have a slightly different opinion of what should or should not be said). It's as if we are making ourselves out to be lions ready to pounce anyone who asked about our neon green tennis shoes & orange socks out of sincerity and yet apparently has no idea how to speak to someone who owns neon green tennis shoes & orange socks! (or even worse, we don't pounce, we just talk about them behind their backs)

When I read Proverbs 12:16, I knew the exact reason this was bothering me.  As believers, we should wear thick skin.  We should give people the benefit of the doubt.  We should be willing to set aside comments made in sincerity that maybe weren't the exact things we would have liked to have been told.

The truth is: we are all just doing the best we can! And, more often than not, when someone speaks to someone else about a sensitive topic--- IT'S BECAUSE THEY CARE!!!

And, I've discovered in my own life, when I'm easily offended about something... It turns out it's because I'm struggling with bitterness or uncertainty or insecurity or some other type of issue regarding that topic. So, it turns out, the offense isn't on the other person... It's on me!

Now, You might say, "But what about the people who really were just being insensitive, unkind, or downright rude?" (Because we all know there are people like that out there!)  Have we stopped to consider that they need GRACE just like we do!!!

So, rather than listing out (and often these lists are written in a very demeaning manner) what NOT to say, why don't I search my own heart and see if there be any wicked way in me.  Why not? Because we are born sinners.  And passing the blame for the way we are feeling inside is so much easier.  And, expecting everyone to cater to our inner feelings (which often haven't been verbalized so that they can cater) is also just another example of our sinful nature.

On an even more personal note:

1) I used to get my feelings hurt so easy! And take too many kind gestures as an insult or a cutdown.  But through my husband's strong leading, I've been able to make a turn toward trying my best to see the situation through the other person's eyes.  And it's super rewarding.
2) I often avoid trying to empathize with people on sensitive topics, because I know how easily it can come across as trying to 'one up' their difficult situation.  And I know often our pride does cause us to simply 'one up' people's stories.  But, remembering again to see the best in the other person is always the best option.
3) I was surprised at myself during this season in my life (bed rest, placenta previa, feeling lost in a foreign medical system) how incredibly uplifting and encouraging it has been to have people call, message, send notes and simply say "I UNDERSTAND! I've been there" or just share their war stories with successes and offer up a kind word of encouragement.  None of them have felt like a 'one up' and every one of them has come across as such a humble, thoughtful, encouragement.  "How can I pray for you?" "I've been there" "I feel your pain"... So, THANK YOU!!!!!
4) Lastly, when I looked up the definition of 'vexation', I was heavily convicted.
          vexation: the state of being annoyed, frustrated, or worried.
And there you have it!  WORRIED falls into the same category as being annoyed and frustrated.  Ouch! Guilty!!!

Can we be a prudent people? Ignoring insults and thinking the best in others! What a burden-lifter to be able to just be real with one another and do the best we can!

-The 4 Cokes

Proverbs 3:7-8

He's Working On Me!!!

Today and yesterday have taken their toll physically (our bodies were made to move and therefore, don't feel that great in long term idle positions), emotionally, and spiritually.

First, I'm amazed at the way the Lord truly is carrying us through a pretty difficult time... My bed rest & Jason's back being the two major issues, other little funsies under that.  And, I'm thankful that He's revealing the good amidst the not so great, too.

But, that being said, and being quite honest, I have been rather idle spiritually, sort of at a loss, and, well, it's no secret that I'm quite the worrier.  So... today I think all of it came to a head... not feeling good physically, like the crunching your toes, tensing your muscles, but not even exactly sure why, not feeling good.  And, I've had sleep issues- what pregnant lady doesn't ;).

So, all of that takes a toll on a person, especially one who's just not putting in the quality time with the only One who can heal these things.

Finally, I sat down and said "enough is enough" and I broke out God's Word and breathed a prayer of "Lord, I come to  you..." Which reminded me, of course, of the amazing song "Power of Your Love". I sent a quick message to a few people that I knew would pray for me, listened to the song which spoke straight to my heart, and then opened God's Word.  And, what did He do other than exactly what He always does: convict and encourage.

I try to read a Proverbs a day, so I opened to Proverbs 3.  And, would you believe that the very verses that we all know by heart, are the ones that spoke to me today.  Namely, verse 7:

"Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart form evil".

I stopped dead in my tracks and realized that I am being far too wise in my own eyes: internet searches for every side effect under the sun to any of the issues I'm currently dealing with, diagnosing myself and my babies ahead of time with everything possible that could go wrong, just all out exactly what that verse says not to do.  And then it hit me...

THIS IS EVIL!!!! What??? Evil??? I am in no way evil!!! Who me???

Yes! Evil.  Because the Bible clearly states that sin is sin.  And taking things in my own hands, or overly worrying over things that simply aren't truth, or imagining that I know better than God, and that whatever He chooses to hand to me could possibly even be considered 'wrong' is, in itself evil!

And, ya know what, the next verse revealed exactly what I'll receive if I do choose to fear the Lord and depart from evil:

"It will be HEALING to your flesh, and REFRESHMENT to your bones"! Yes!!! Just exactly what I'm currently in need of! Well, no wonder I've been feeling so bad!

I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders! I don't have to carry the burden of this pregnancy, this bed rest, this placenta previa, these babies, possible NICU time, none of it! It is not mine to carry!  And, who am I to think that I know best?  Again, who am I to think that anything the Lord chooses to hand me is anything less than His best!

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Jeremiah 29:11

Right there it is! His plans far exceed mine! He knows what's best! And, I must choose to rest in that, day in and day out.

I really found a gem today! The reminder that, all in all, He is in control! And what He has for me must be what's best!  I've had these thoughts on my mind for quite some time, but choosing to place my trust in them, well, that comes and goes.  And today was a great reminder of just how true these things are!

I can step into each day knowing and resting in the fact that HE IS GRACIOUS, LOVING, & KIND!   And, He knows and has known since before time began about these sweet babies' lives.  It's up to me whether I choose to take Him at His word!

Oh, and the icing on the cake... no house helper = no wholesome food when mom is down and out, so guess what I just happened to find in the fridge! A whole bag of homemade granola bars that no one realized was in there! Score!!!  Healing to my flesh, refreshment to my bones! ;)

-The 4 Cokes

A Few Noteworthy Moments

October 3, 2014

I have lots of places I write down memorable moments, quotes, or things I want to remember, but I'm trying to mainstream all of that because of the horrible memories of losing ALL the info for my girls' baby books that I had saved on the computer. :( I won't think on that because then I'll be sad all over again. 

So, for my most recent memorable moments:

Kiley, you are growing in your faith in such an exciting way. By being perfect? No. Quite the contrary. By recognizing your sin and feeling remorse for it. I'm proud of you that you recently have acknowledged times you've been just plain hateful/jealous of your little sister, and, in tears, apologized to her. I'm so excited to watch God work in your heart.  And, the sweet, sensitive, servant's heart you've exhibited especially since mommy's bedrest has made my heart swell with pride. Your tea, by the way, knocks mine out of the park!

I have to write this down because one day you'll want to remember this if only to prove me wrong. ;) We just can't forget the cake episode. You came home almost in hysterics because daddy did eenie, meenie, miney, mo for which cake we would use for the baby shower, and... Kamden's choice won! I told you that you wouldn't remember in a hundred years, but you're welcome... Because of this blog, you just might. 

*but, you must admit it was pretty delicious! 

Kamden, 

You are growing up with a worldview so different from the one your mommy and daddy knew as a child. 

Tonight, you walked the streets and Came home upset about the idol worshipping that was going on so loudly around us. But your understanding of it was so mature: "mommy. We couldn't just stay and watch them bc then they might think we're saying Good job! And we couldn't get mad at them for it because they don't know!"  

And, Kamden, your even knowing what an idol is reveals your world view. We were reading in a book and the author wrote "my boyhood idol" and you stopped me and said "idol?!!?" Because that, to you, simply means a statue that people who don't know Jesus worship. Sadly, you'll soon learn, many things are idols even in the 'Christian' world. But, you know what, it makes sense that actually only people ignorant of the cross should have idols. Those of us who are exposed, know the truth, and heaven forbid, even call ourselves Christians, should not have room for idols in our hearts. But, alas, we do. And how then do we reach the millions who have never even heard the name of Jesus when the ones who are so-called worshipping Him are in all actuality worshipping themselves?!! 

I don't know God's plans for your all's lives. More and more I'm convinced that this life you're living is doing you far more good than harm. That the challenges you face on a daily basis are preparing you to be more dependent on your Savior, more reliant on His grace.

What I do know is that my only desire for you is to love God, love people, and teach people to love God. Whatever that looks like in your life's context, let it be.

I'm excited about our future together. And how this next adventure is going to grow you and change you in a million tiny ways. I'm thankful God's plans are so much higher than our plans, because quite honestly, I certainly couldn't have done it better myself. ;)