I've been looking for just the right verse for quite some time. I just KNEW it was in there, but I wasn't sure where. Well, today, I happened upon it!
Proverbs 12:16 "The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult."
Surely you've seen these titles floating across your newsfeed: "21 Things Never to Say to A ______", 7 Things Not to Say to A _______", "15 Things You Should Never Say to A ________".
I've read a lot of them. Because I want to learn as much as possible about people who feel strongly enough about something to share tips on how best to address the situation. But, I'll be honest, as I'm reading most of them it has become overwhelming, like "Well, then what CAN I say in love?" All the while, I've felt uneasy about these topics being strewn all over Facebook feeds and almost making people out to be bad guys if they don't know the exact right thing to say to each individual person. (because let's be real, every one is going to have a slightly different opinion of what should or should not be said). It's as if we are making ourselves out to be lions ready to pounce anyone who asked about our neon green tennis shoes & orange socks out of sincerity and yet apparently has no idea how to speak to someone who owns neon green tennis shoes & orange socks! (or even worse, we don't pounce, we just talk about them behind their backs)
When I read Proverbs 12:16, I knew the exact reason this was bothering me. As believers, we should wear thick skin. We should give people the benefit of the doubt. We should be willing to set aside comments made in sincerity that maybe weren't the exact things we would have liked to have been told.
The truth is: we are all just doing the best we can! And, more often than not, when someone speaks to someone else about a sensitive topic--- IT'S BECAUSE THEY CARE!!!
And, I've discovered in my own life, when I'm easily offended about something... It turns out it's because I'm struggling with bitterness or uncertainty or insecurity or some other type of issue regarding that topic. So, it turns out, the offense isn't on the other person... It's on me!
Now, You might say, "But what about the people who really were just being insensitive, unkind, or downright rude?" (Because we all know there are people like that out there!) Have we stopped to consider that they need GRACE just like we do!!!
So, rather than listing out (and often these lists are written in a very demeaning manner) what NOT to say, why don't I search my own heart and see if there be any wicked way in me. Why not? Because we are born sinners. And passing the blame for the way we are feeling inside is so much easier. And, expecting everyone to cater to our inner feelings (which often haven't been verbalized so that they can cater) is also just another example of our sinful nature.
On an even more personal note:
1) I used to get my feelings hurt so easy! And take too many kind gestures as an insult or a cutdown. But through my husband's strong leading, I've been able to make a turn toward trying my best to see the situation through the other person's eyes. And it's super rewarding.
2) I often avoid trying to empathize with people on sensitive topics, because I know how easily it can come across as trying to 'one up' their difficult situation. And I know often our pride does cause us to simply 'one up' people's stories. But, remembering again to see the best in the other person is always the best option.
3) I was surprised at myself during this season in my life (bed rest, placenta previa, feeling lost in a foreign medical system) how incredibly uplifting and encouraging it has been to have people call, message, send notes and simply say "I UNDERSTAND! I've been there" or just share their war stories with successes and offer up a kind word of encouragement. None of them have felt like a 'one up' and every one of them has come across as such a humble, thoughtful, encouragement. "How can I pray for you?" "I've been there" "I feel your pain"... So, THANK YOU!!!!!
4) Lastly, when I looked up the definition of 'vexation', I was heavily convicted.
vexation: the state of being annoyed, frustrated, or worried.
And there you have it! WORRIED falls into the same category as being annoyed and frustrated. Ouch! Guilty!!!
Can we be a prudent people? Ignoring insults and thinking the best in others! What a burden-lifter to be able to just be real with one another and do the best we can!
Proverbs 12:16 "The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult."
Surely you've seen these titles floating across your newsfeed: "21 Things Never to Say to A ______", 7 Things Not to Say to A _______", "15 Things You Should Never Say to A ________".
I've read a lot of them. Because I want to learn as much as possible about people who feel strongly enough about something to share tips on how best to address the situation. But, I'll be honest, as I'm reading most of them it has become overwhelming, like "Well, then what CAN I say in love?" All the while, I've felt uneasy about these topics being strewn all over Facebook feeds and almost making people out to be bad guys if they don't know the exact right thing to say to each individual person. (because let's be real, every one is going to have a slightly different opinion of what should or should not be said). It's as if we are making ourselves out to be lions ready to pounce anyone who asked about our neon green tennis shoes & orange socks out of sincerity and yet apparently has no idea how to speak to someone who owns neon green tennis shoes & orange socks! (or even worse, we don't pounce, we just talk about them behind their backs)
When I read Proverbs 12:16, I knew the exact reason this was bothering me. As believers, we should wear thick skin. We should give people the benefit of the doubt. We should be willing to set aside comments made in sincerity that maybe weren't the exact things we would have liked to have been told.
The truth is: we are all just doing the best we can! And, more often than not, when someone speaks to someone else about a sensitive topic--- IT'S BECAUSE THEY CARE!!!
And, I've discovered in my own life, when I'm easily offended about something... It turns out it's because I'm struggling with bitterness or uncertainty or insecurity or some other type of issue regarding that topic. So, it turns out, the offense isn't on the other person... It's on me!
Now, You might say, "But what about the people who really were just being insensitive, unkind, or downright rude?" (Because we all know there are people like that out there!) Have we stopped to consider that they need GRACE just like we do!!!
So, rather than listing out (and often these lists are written in a very demeaning manner) what NOT to say, why don't I search my own heart and see if there be any wicked way in me. Why not? Because we are born sinners. And passing the blame for the way we are feeling inside is so much easier. And, expecting everyone to cater to our inner feelings (which often haven't been verbalized so that they can cater) is also just another example of our sinful nature.
On an even more personal note:
1) I used to get my feelings hurt so easy! And take too many kind gestures as an insult or a cutdown. But through my husband's strong leading, I've been able to make a turn toward trying my best to see the situation through the other person's eyes. And it's super rewarding.
2) I often avoid trying to empathize with people on sensitive topics, because I know how easily it can come across as trying to 'one up' their difficult situation. And I know often our pride does cause us to simply 'one up' people's stories. But, remembering again to see the best in the other person is always the best option.
3) I was surprised at myself during this season in my life (bed rest, placenta previa, feeling lost in a foreign medical system) how incredibly uplifting and encouraging it has been to have people call, message, send notes and simply say "I UNDERSTAND! I've been there" or just share their war stories with successes and offer up a kind word of encouragement. None of them have felt like a 'one up' and every one of them has come across as such a humble, thoughtful, encouragement. "How can I pray for you?" "I've been there" "I feel your pain"... So, THANK YOU!!!!!
4) Lastly, when I looked up the definition of 'vexation', I was heavily convicted.
vexation: the state of being annoyed, frustrated, or worried.
And there you have it! WORRIED falls into the same category as being annoyed and frustrated. Ouch! Guilty!!!
Can we be a prudent people? Ignoring insults and thinking the best in others! What a burden-lifter to be able to just be real with one another and do the best we can!
-The 4 Cokes
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