One Foot in Front of the Other

December 5, 2014

If you'd told me a year ago all the things this year would bring I probably wouldn't have believed you. You see, going into this expat thing I always thought the one place satan would attack would be our marriage. And don't get me wrong, there were a few moments when I thought I may have been right. 

But by God's grace that's the one area of our life that has only grown stronger. I never expected satan to attack so strongly physically or in other various ways. And yet sitting where we are now: Kamden's seizures and various health issues, an uprooting, a new city, Kamden's surgery, Jason's back injury and surgery, a high risk pregnancy, lice, emergency c section, nicu stay, and now Jaxon's upcoming blood transfusion, which is terrifying, and surgery--- I believe now more than ever before that this is exactly where we're supposed to be. 

So many of you have said to me "you're so strong etc ..." But hear me loud and clear when I say 

WE ARE NOT STRONG! 

In no way are we strong. I feel WEAK. It is literally as God's word says, he offers grace for the moment that we need it. I often feel like I am simply putting one foot in front of the other. And that's all I have to offer. One foot and then the next. I can't offer any brave smile or spectacular faith, just that next step. That's all I've got. 

So just like when they said "we need to take the babies" and when they said "JAXON needs Surgery" and when they told me his hemogoblin was low and he would require a blood transfusion, and when I stepped into and then out of the car on the way to the hospital this morning to hand my baby over into someone else's care, I literally couldn't look past the very next step I had to take. 

And I guess that's it. One foot in front of the other. Because realistically I can't turn and run. That's what I want to do. I want to take my baby and run. But i would be causing him more harm than good. So we do what we must. And we realize yet again that not a drop of this is under our control anyway.