168 Hour Intensive

One week ago, I posted the following status on Facebook: 

"I don't remember signing up for a 24 hour intensive on "Lessons from the Holy Spirit" but boy was I on a crash course today!"

Today, that should read "168 hour intensive"! Since that update, I have experienced Kamden having two febrile seizures, an ER visit, a PICU stay, an innumerable amount of hallucinations, a passing out, an EEG, an MRI, and a 7 day fever. 

What to make of all of this? Throughout the week, I felt strong. Not strong in myself, but strong in The Lord. I felt like I was being carried, as I've felt so many times in the past year or so. But what was it all worth, if from here I do not take something from it?

The week before, I had received such inspiration and instruction from The Lord. I made a list of thing in my life that needed work. I was ready to get started right away on the new and improved me. But it was not to be so without trials. After all, aren't we purified by fire, not by a life of ease? 

So, how has this week changed me? Number one, I am more personally aware of spiritual warfare and what that really looks like. I have, for the first time in my life sat over my sleeping child and commanded in Jesus' name that the sickness come out of her. I have heard her cries after being disoriented and known that only God could truly comfort her in that time. 

Number two, I have prepared myself for the worst, yet had to come to terms with knowing that I may never know exactly what happened this past week. Which is hard, really hard. I like answers. Clear explanations. Reasons for things. But God doesn't promise answers. And I have to be thankful for that. 

Number three, I have been reminded of the body of Christ and how it functions on our behalf. Because of time differences, Kamden had prayers going up for her night & day. Our team leaders jumped into action more than once and have taken Kiley in for the past four days. Others friends drove over an hour just to pray over Kamden. 

Number four, I was reminded that, on my own, I am entirely incapable of raising these two sweet girls. That, often, God has to work in their lives IN SPITE of me rather than through me. 

Number five, go ahead, tell God your plans, and then sit back and watch and HIS plan unfolds. Because, honestly, He is sovereign. He is in control. We are His masterpiece. Who are we to tell Him what we will do or what our lives will look like. 

And, so, it's with much care that I say, "bring on whatever's next!" Because I know now how dangerous those words can be. Yet how rewarding. And how life-changing.